A Microcosmic Big Bang?

A different kind of loss.

Have you ever fallen out of the world, into madness, disintegration – a place where there’s nothing to hold on to?

Lily is deeply lost on the mountain …. all reference points dissolving….is she facing up or down, spinning, falling……falling forever ? Paco!!

She grasps handfuls of darkness – lost to Paco, the world, to herself – but she has been here before….

‘ the principle of equilibrium and ‘oneness’ was lost at the world’s creation, giving way to a universe of polarities: good and evil, woman and man, matter and spirit, science and religion, macrocosm and microcosm…’ …… a proposition by the artist Hilma AF Klint

Is grief, the madness of grief in the way it explodes assumptions, beliefs, positions, certainties, perspectives, pulls at the collusive glue of relationships – a microcosmic big bang ?

An opportunity to begin again ? To reassemble and re -form?

I often wonder what happens to astronauts when they view earth from the moon? All reference points are lost in the expansiveness of the view…..aren’t they?…. do their minds disintegrate or create another way of making sense of being in the world ? Will they ever truly let us know how they navigated that?

What will the light of a new day bring born out of the complete darkness of a Total Eclipse?

How do we move forward with no trace of those we have lost and a transformation that was not the one we planned?

Can we rise out of disintegration with sequestered parts of ourselves…. as well as live alongside the possibility of not existing at all…..

Lily and Paco surrender to their need for each other. It is not dramatic but a quiet exchange of resources cultivated in the polarities they have retreated to, in order to manage overwhelming feelings of loss – old and new. It is not possible to get through this alone…

In the final stages of devising the show, Jose was diagnosed with cancer – confronting him with profound fear, uncertainty and re-evaluation of his life.

Thankfully his treatment has been successful…..and opened up a new journey.

We have postponed performing Total Eclipse although intend to begin rehearsals again in the summer…. it may have a new direction…it’s future is uncertain….?

So until then ……to confronting beginnings, endings, a retrieval of what has been lost and that which must remain lost forever..

Here it comes……

In loving memory of :

Meg Henderson

Benedicta Rodriguez

Alan Craigie

Melissa Leigh

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